I have often wondered how the enemy went after the Apostle Paul about his past.
It so often comes at us in the night. And it is the reliving of what we would never do again or of something that was out of our control. So often daylight dispels the whole thing until the next assault.
And, it is an assault. Most of the time there is nothing to be done about the past but a great deal to do now and until the last breath.
A few years ago, I met with someone who had worked closely with a missionary family who had a successful ministry overseas and had been there for over 15 years. Lots of fruit. But someone in the mission discovered something that had happened before the father was a missionary. Then somehow in spite of the calling, the fruit and the long term of service, he lost his missionary pedigree points and was summarily dismissed from that mission.
"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have made it my own yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,"
Philippians 3:13 (Amplified Bible)
This verse says to me that Paul had to work at refusing to listen to the attacks.
Soldier, time is something I doubt we will find in eternity. It is a dimension created for us - for choice. We must learn to know what we are thinking and immediately replace those thought with God's Word.
You are needed and you have a tremendous impact on those around you.
Bend into your current assignment. Learn to recognize when you are being beaten up about the past.
When you wake up at night and are reviewing past wounds or mistakes, you think those are your own thoughts? Really?
Learn to resist the enemy.
Tell the Lord again He is your all and you want to learn as Paul says, " forgetting what lies behind."
Tell Him Aloud.
Then find someone to love.